sneaky, sneaky

It's common in most relationships for jealousy to occur. From jealousy, arises curiosity. And inevitably as the old saying goes, "Curiosity killed the cat...but the answer brought him back." - We snoop.

As mentioned in my previous post below, I believe many social networks serve as a tool to voyeurism - arousing suspicious thoughts and ultimately leading people to act on doubts and fears. I believe we can all name at least three people of the top of our (maybe yourself included) who have read their significant other's email or gone through missed or received calls. In fact, some may have even had the balls to break into a bank, email or facebook account. Regardless of who has done it - it's actually fairly common.

If snooping is so common, does it mean it's ok? If everyone has snooped at one point, why can’t I? I think deep down we know it's wrong, otherwise we would freely tell our spouse, significant other or friends of our actions. However, it is common for most to withhold that information except among the selected few who hear the guilty confessions of their friends or co-workers.

So, what warrants us the right to invade someone's personal property? And if we feel compelled to do so, what does it convey about your relationship with that person?

Or course, they are different circumstances and different reasoning as to why people snoop - but if we took the time to listen to everyone's justification - I would never finish this post. Regardless of how long two people have been dating - snooping is wrong. If you are that concerned about where your significant other is or what they are doing - ask. If you begin your investigations now, you only become more comfortable as time progresses and sooner or later, it becomes the norm. From my own experience, I have found if you can not communicate about the small stuff at the beginning it doesn’t get any easier. Not to sound all Oprah on you, but sneaking around and snooping will only hinder an open form of communication. In the end, we wind up in a sick cycle of snooping, accusing and deception.

In regards to marriage, everything is free game. Two become one - which includes your personal belongings, the mortgage, your finances and communication with other people. If the trust issue wasn't attended to during courtship, marriage will not solve the problem and in the end your marriage has a high chance of failing because the two most important things in a relationship were never achieved - respect (for that person and their privacy) and trust.

When we really look at the core of the issue - our curiosity is driven by two things. Either 1) our insecurities or 2) our intuition. Distinguishing the two is the clincher. How do we convince ourselves it's #2 and not #1? Either way, there are issues present - which brings me to my second point.

If a person’s insecurities are strong enough to encourage snooping and prying - perhaps a relationship isn't what they need, but a good self-evaluation. If it's intuition, perhaps you should evaluate your significant other's character, which lead you to doubt him or her in the first place.

If your significant other was once untrustworthy but desires another path, allow her or him to do so. People can change. The question(s) for most is, 1) are you able to accept the change? And 2) are you able to encourage that growth and maturity through your trust and actions?

Basically, it all comes down to ourselves and what we are willing to do, or in this case, not do.

Self control, ain’t it a bitch?